The Psychic Function of Erotic Arousal

We are aroused by what we have disowned. When we are aroused by a person or a symbol that stirs our erotic response, our excitement is the body's way of recognizing an opportunity to bring buried parts of ourselves "out to play." To heed our arousal and bravely follow where that might lead- is to move towards reclaiming our lost parts, without which we cannot be whole. Sexuality has a pro-creative function that goes well beyond engendering biological life: The psychological play involved in a human being’s fantasy-filled eroticism involves much more than what two animals copulating could ever produce! Yet we are embarrassed by- and often too automatically reject in ourselves- anything sexual that cannot be readily recognized as “pure love.” Unfortunately, we have a sadly limited concept of love. Our concept of love is extremely constraining: it is restricted to purity, sweetness, generosity, supportiveness, self-sacrifice, yet ultimately self-abandonment in order to adhere to someone else's standards or expectations.

There is room, in the range of human behavior, for the opposite traits from this foregoing over-idealized list. So, what on earth could account for our impulses to corruption, sourness, avarice, undermining, selfishness? There are times when these attributes are within us and have need of being lived out or somehow expressed, depending on the situation. We can't say for certain that those things are always wrong, but we certainly act as though they were. Until we learn to acknowledge their usefulness, or at least the usefulness of the emotions stirred up by these traits, we deny access to our deepest truth. It is only though acceptance of our deepest emotional currents that we can ultimately reach self-compassion - which is the only true love.

Perverse sexual eroticism is a natural part of our arousal mechanism. It is inherently designed to bring us face to face with what we fear about ourselves. Whatever we reject about sexual perversion exists primarily in our minds. Our self-rejection is fast and furiously projected onto others… where we find it easier to judge and to condemn, rather than face what’s going on inside of us! When we reject our own or someone else’s sexual perversions, we are merely horrified at what our mind produces, instead of courageously engaging with the mind more fully, in order to gain deeper understanding and self-acceptance. Surrendering to our perverse sexuality can bring us more swiftly than any other method to a fully integrated ability to experience love.

Of course, the difference between surrender and addiction must be clearly understood. Which is what I want to write about next.